I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
