I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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