when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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