Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
