remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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