That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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