i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
