i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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