sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
