Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Let's get the cat blown out
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
