toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I had to cum in my sink.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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