dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
