I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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