Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Mom said you looked used
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
