ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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