If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
