She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
