we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
