sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
