Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
