Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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