So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
