4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
