We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
