Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
