yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You need Xanax blowdarts
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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