dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
