I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
