I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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