Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I will be naked everywhere
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
