i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
