I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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