I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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