threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize