I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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