fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
