At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
