Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
