I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
