Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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