I'm really into asian looking animals
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
