I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She's the barista slut.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
