Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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