So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
