i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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