when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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