i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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