After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
