it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
