on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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