I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
