i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
