i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
