My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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