Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
