You smell like a Billy Joel song
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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