Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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