My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
