It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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