Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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