whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
