I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
