There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
bring money and cleavage
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
