Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
