he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i now understand why vodka
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
