They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
