I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i barfeds in our rink
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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