I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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