There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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