i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?