Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
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So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
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When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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