he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ugly people sure do ruin things
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George