I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!