my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?