I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember