i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
