All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
