I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
