You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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