I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
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He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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