you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
