My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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