I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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