eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
