WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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