My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
